I used to think that. Damn, I’m an adult now. However, in the last few years, I have learned that growing up isn’t about becoming an adult, a certain age where you suddenly are expected to put away your childhood dreams and desires. Growing up is a continual journey.
For example, People who think Martial Arts is about becoming a black belt don’t comprehend the term, a black belt is a white belt who never gave up. Our Master says that achieving a black belt is where the journey begins, not ends. You have the basics, you now need to apply the principles, ” put Parker (our Sr Grand Master Ed Parker) polish on it”. Make the skills apply to you and grow with you.
So how does this apply to real-life so to speak? As children, our minds are fresh, curious, and innocent to all the ugliness in the world. We are encouraged to try new things and discover ourselves. Then we are told to grow up, get a job, earn a living. We get so caught up with being an adult, that we lose our sense of wonder and curiosity.
I was living that life. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing I loved and still love more than being a mom. But I didn’t take the time to discover things. I saw the wonder thru the eyes of my kids but wasn’t looking at myself. After my divorce, I was struggling to make it financially and learning to be on my own. My Identity? Who am I, daughter, mother, sister, boss, coworker, friend? The list goes on. Then people started dying. In one year I lost a sister and several childhood friends. When I received word that my friend Vic died in May 2019, I was devastated.
We met in middle school. I was a year ahead of him but only because my birthday was before the cut-off date. I was the skinny little kid from the old part of town. Vic lived in the new section of town, was of Lebanese descent, and had the nickname Porky. ( Nope haven’t gone off track with the topic). Vic knew I couldn’t walk home alone because I would get beat up, so he would walk me home and take a bus to his part of town. When we walked we’d talk about what we wanted to be when we grew up.
Vic was going into the business of making money. I wanted to be a journalist. Then he’d say, yea but after that when you grow up. Vic went on to become very successful but very unhappy with life. I went into Human Services, which is very rewarding in its special way, isn’t financially grown up. About 1 month after he died, I had a severe allergic reaction. I got myself to Convenientmd where I was pumped with Epinephrine, Albuterol, and steroids. I stopped breathing for a minute or so, I don’t know exactly. Vic was standing there. He said “you aren’t going anywhere today. You have things to do, see, and experience. You tried telling me not to grow up, keep learning, look at what’s around you. I didn’t get it. You have a chance to not grow up”. Since that day, I have tried each day to learn something new, do something useful, and open my eyes to the pure beauty all around. We grow wiser, we lose our innocence but our curiosity and wonder should never go away. It is never too late to achieve a childhood dream or adult dreams that may seem childish. Either works.
Oh and the polish? The things we learn as children can always be fine-tuned as we go along. As your experiences shape your actions, your knowledge of the world expands. You build and polish those basic foundations. It’s a work in progress. One day you are riding your bike with training wheels, the next crossing the country. Same basic activity, but a whole new level. However, deep down when the journey is complete and you are doing well with not growing up. The little kid who took his first ride without trainers is still there.