The Thoughts Warrior General Articles, Life's Lessons, Random Thoughts

“Are you ok”?

I may tell you, yes, but inside I am screaming in agony.  I am trying to get through a day without letting on to the world the pain I feel.  Life, plans, daily routine, have come to a screeching halt.  I may be going about the motions of work, conversation, daily needs but I am not ok.  I am trying to keep myself from curling up into a bundle of tears and locking myself away from the world.  I am crying in the shower, praying that the pain will wash down the drain.  No, I am not ok, but I am trying to be.

“Is there anything I can do”?

Not really.  You are feeling as helpless as I am right now.  Everyone’s feeling of floating in a bubble is different.  You want to make it better for me, I want to change what happened.  The bottom line is we cannot.  We can band together, to feel less alone, but for now, there is a process we must go through.  That process is within ourselves.  The process is different for all of us.

“I am sorry for your loss, and I feel your pain”

“Thank you.” That is the only thing I can mutter.  Even though most people have experienced the pain of losing someone they love.  My pain is different because each person means something different.  But as I am staring back at you, with a blank vacant look, know that I am crying inside, and struggling with my demons; Praying that I can defeat them because I cannot feel like this forever.

“How can I help”?

Hold me and let me cry when I need to.  If I shout or get angry with God, don’t speak, only be there and let me set the pain loose.  Let me know that it is ok to wrestle these demons of pain that are attacking my soul.  And most importantly don’t stop asking: “Are you ok?, What can I do? I know your pain?, and How can I help?  Your words and love are getting through.  It may not seem it, but they are.  I may stare blankly, I may lie about how I am feeling, I may just be holding back the tears.  I know as long as you are asking, it is safe for me to grieve.


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