No Words

The Thoughts Warrior Life's Lessons, Random Thoughts

Several months ago I started a blog post entitled “When Your Bestie Says It’s Going to Hurt!”

The story behind it was a phone call I received one afternoon at work from my best friend.  It went like this: “instead of a walk at lunch, how about you get out early, I made us an appointment”.  I replied, sure.  That was my first mistake.  Well, the second.  Years ago I had my belly button pierced.  That was the extent of my body art.  She had tattoo tributes for everyone she loved, a nose ring, multiple earrings.  The gist is, we are different.  I had said to her once if she ever got her belly pierced I would get my nose pierced.  She’s my bestie, she remembers those things forever.  Long story short, our appointment was at a piercing shop.  While she is pondering the various locations and types of belly rings, she casually says to the piercer, let her go first.

Hurt was not the first choice of wording.  After almost making the poor guy a eunuch and the entire room covered in spurted blood.  She decided that she didn’t want her belly button done after all.  (She did, however, do somebody studs a week later, so it made up for it!)  I wasn’t sure if I was going to keep the nose ring, now I am glad I had it done.  For there is no worse pain than the pain I feel now in my heart and soul.  For you see, a few nights ago, I got a phone call that triggered a nightmare.  She and her husband were gone in an instant from a car accident.

For 2 days I wandered in a daze, not sleeping and barely eating.  I couldn’t find the words to say but forced myself to notify our friends.  It bothered me not to have words but I knew they would eventually come.

I slept last night and woke up this morning to find that the dream hadn’t ended only the nightmare had begun.

Gone now are our daily walks.  Our talks and dreams for the future.  Gone are the Carl Pizza nights.  His hot rod dream and projects.

Gone is the woman who stood beside me in my darkest hours.  Gone is the couple who were to be there as my life finally becomes the happiness you told me I deserved.

Gone is the chance to see your faces as a new generation is born.  Gone is the friend who believed in me when I had given up on myself.

I woke up and the words had come.  The words that I was afraid to face.

They are not here, they have gone.

You said to me last week, “I have always believed in God”, but it has only been recently that I have become to understand faith.  I know you meant that you have understood why I’ve always told you to have faith, that everything happens for a reason.

My faith is shaken,  I can’t understand why he could take you when so much laid ahead.

Maybe faith isn’t meant to answer that question.  Maybe we are to look at the lessons and what you have left behind.  Your undying love for each other, and no matter how many times it was dark, there is light and happiness to be found if you look.

There is beauty in the file you can see without the naked eye if you just stop and look.  You are never too old to follow your dreams and your heart.

My heart is broken and these pieces will never heal, but as you told me one day when I was crying and thought I was alone with my tears:

“You are the kindest, most caring person I’ve ever met.  If others can’t see it, it’s their problem, not a problem with you.  Someday God will reward you for your kindness, maybe this or another lifetime”

He did reward me, he brought me you both.  The two people would come at the drop of a hat to move me in a blizzard or rescue me when stranded.  We merged those in our lives who were most important to us and who we truly loved and made them our family.  Because of you, none of us will ever walk alone on our new journey without you.  We are bonded and will take care of each other.

As I said the other night to your daughter, “we will do this, they left us each other and they would not want us to go it any other way.  Your blood relatives, your golden friends, your besties, our work friends, will stand together and say our earthly goodbyes, but your footsteps will continue to follow us and your Earth Angels will soldier on.

Yes, the words did come.  They don’t seem like they are enough, they will never be enough, but they are the start.

For those of us left behind, live life to the fullest, love with a passion, don’t be afraid to follow your dreams, be kind to others and I have to throw this in here, because she is in my head right now, “Take off the f$$$ing masks and breathe the air, that’s what it’s there for!”

Fly high my friends, heaven has gained 2 more angels. My faith is that I will see you again.  Love you Cheryl and Carlton








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